why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
