You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize