The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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