You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
