My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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