I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
