Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You ate ashes out of my bong
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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