she looked like the before picture.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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