im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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