just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
