Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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