he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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