from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
