Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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