Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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