True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud