I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.