If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.