I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.