shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.