She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
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My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award