clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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