It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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