I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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