So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
