I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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