I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
