Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
