; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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