By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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