You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
