I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
