Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need water and some morals
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
