I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
