my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
