Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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