i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
sex in a hospital.. check
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
