why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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