Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
