how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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