Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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