did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
