Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
