You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
