hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
