i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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