Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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