I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
