You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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