How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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