well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
