Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
