they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
