I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
