You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
