Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
