Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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