i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
