I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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