I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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