This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
