at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize