if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
