Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
