I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
