Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
